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#2121 |  | Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
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#2122 |  | Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
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#2123 |  | Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
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#2124 |  | Real programs don't eat cache.
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#2125 |  | Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
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#2126 |  | Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
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#2127 |  | Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at *___all* levels. They would like personal computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.
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#2128 |  | Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.
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#2129 |  | Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
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#2130 |  | Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
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