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The belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, good,
bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest
tenacity by those accustomed to falling into adversity, and most
acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind
faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an intellectual
disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but
A proponent of the belief that black is white.
A pessimist asked God for relief.
"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God.
"No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that
would justify them."
"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked
something -- the mortality of the optimist."
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
A bagpiper with a beeper.
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
Variables won't; constants aren't.
(1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't.
(2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
(3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
(4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
One thing, at least it proves that you're alive!
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
exposing them to the critic.
-- Ambrose Bierce
Never open a box you didn't close.
2 dashes == 1smidgen
2 smidgens == 1 pinch
3 pinches == 1 soupcon
2 soupcons == 2 much paprika
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