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BGA fortune cookies :: work
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#881(1) Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the
furniture, shelves, and showcases.
(2) Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.
Wash the windows once a week.
(3) Each clerk will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of
coal for the day's business.
(4) Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to your
individual taste.
(5) This office will open at 7 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. except
on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed. Each
employee is expected to spend the Sabbath by attending
church and contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord.
-- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage
Works, 1872
#882(6) Men employees will be given time off each week for courting
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
(7) After an employee has spent his thirteen hours of labor in the
office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible
and other good books.
(8) Every employee should lay aside from each pay packet a goodly
sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years,
so that he will not become a burden on society or his betters.
(9) Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses alcoholic drink
in any form, frequents pool tables and public halls, or gets
shaved in a barber's shop, will give me good reason to suspect
his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.
(10) The employee who has performed his labours faithfully and
without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of
five cents per day in his pay, providing profits from the
business permit it.
-- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage Works, 1872
#883A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and
ask for it back the when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost
#884A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
#885A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
as afterward.
#886A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
-- Paul Valery
#887A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
-- Milton Berle
#888A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
#889A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the
seed from which other committees will bloom.
-- Parkinson
#890A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
-- R. Stallman
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