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#691 Penn's aunts made great apple pies at low prices. No one else in
town could compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
#692People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to
amuse them.
-- S. Johnson
#693Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain
unsoundness of mind.
-- Thomas Macaulay
#694Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia
because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers
couldn't compete successfully with poets.
-- Kilgore Trout (Philip J. Farmer), "Venus on the Half Shell"
#695Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
#696Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
#697Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain
an uncontainable experience.
-- R.S. Knapp
#698Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:

SPUD ROGERS OF THE 25TH CENTURY: Story of an Air Force potato that's
left in a rarely used chow hall for over two centuries and wakes up in a world
populated by soybean created imitations under the evil Dick Tater. Thanks to
him, the soy-potatoes learn that being a 'tater is where it's at. Memorable
line, "'Cause I'm just a stud spud!"

FRIDAY THE 13TH DINER SERIES: Crazed potato who was left in a
fryer too long and was charbroiled carelessly returns to wreak havoc on
unsuspecting, would-be teen camp cooks. Scenes include a girl being stuffed
with chives and Fleischman's Margarine and a boy served up on a side dish
with beets and dressing. Definitely not for the squeamish, or those on
diets that are driving them crazy.

FRIDAY THE 13TH DINER II,III,IV,V,VI: Much, much more of the same.
Except with sour cream.
#699Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:

THE TATERNATOR: Cyborg spud returns from the future to present-day
McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoess (girl 'tater) who will give birth
to the world's largest french fry (The Dark Powers of Burger King are clearly
behind this). Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."

A FISTFUL OF FRIES: Western in which our hero, The Spud with No Name,
rides into a town that's deprived of carbohydrates thanks to the evil takeover
of the low-cal Scallopinni Brothers. Plenty of smokeouts, fry-em-ups, and
general butter-melting by all.

FOR A FEW FRIES MORE: Takes up where AFOF left off! Cameo by Walter
Cronkite, as every man's common 'tater!
#700Prizes are for children.
-- Charles Ives, upon being given, but refusing, the
Pulitzer prize
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