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#5076David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans":

* Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO
* Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE"
* Hourly motel rates
* Vast majority of Elvis movies made here
* Didn't just give up right away during World War II
like some countries we could mention
* Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies
* Our well-behaved golf professionals
* Fabulous babes coast to coast
#5077Decemba, n: The 12th month of the year.
erra, n: A mistake.
faa, n: To, from, or at considerable distance.
Linder, n: A female name.
memba, n: To recall to the mind; think of again.
New Hampsha, n: A state in the northeast United States.
New Yaak, n: Another state in the northeast United States.
Novemba, n: The 11th month of the year.
Octoba, n: The 10th month of the year.
ova, n: Location above or across a specified position. What the
season is when the Knicks quit playing.
-- Massachewsetts Unabridged Dictionary
#5078Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
#5079Do Miami a favor. When you leave, take someone with you.
#5080Do you know Montana?
#5081Do you know the difference between a yankee and a damyankee?

A yankee comes south to *_____visit*.
#5082Eli and Bessie went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Bessie nudged Eli.
"Please be so kindly and close the window. It's cold outside!"
Half asleep, Eli murmured,
"Nu ... so if I'll close the window, will it be warm outside?"
#5083Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman
were each asked to write a book on elephants. Some amount of time later they
had all completed their respective books. The Englishman's book was entitled
"The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I",
the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's
"The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and
Irish Political History".
#5084For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
"Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
-- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
#5085Fortune presents:

^Cu vi parolas angle? Do you speak English?
Mi ne komprenas. I don't understand.
Vi estas la sola esperantisto kiun mi You're the only Esperanto speaker
renkontas. I've met.
La ^ceko estas enpo^stigita. The check is in the mail.
Oni ne povas, ^gin netrovi. You can't miss it.
Mi nur rigardadas. I'm just looking around.
Nu, ^sajnis bona ideo. Well, it seemed like a good idea.
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