The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
An account of one's descent from an ancestor
who did not particularly care to trace his own.
-- Ambrose Bierce
A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright."
Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right
time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying
all the right things to all the right people.
Why he stays in the bottle.
|#4033||Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:|
(1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
(2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
(3) The energy required to change either one of these states
will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
much as to make the task totally impossible.
Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
(1) You can't win.
(2) You can't break even.
(3) You can't even quit the game.
Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
Theorem. To wit:
(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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